Friday, August 1, 2008


I made a hole in the ground and I stuck all my thoughts, wants and beliefs in it. I don't live or plan my life on long terms anymore - I just live! I never cry, I'm never sad, cause every time I want to shed a tear, I remember my hole in the ground and put it there… And it actually works! I don't think about anything else but my daily obligations. Life became easier. I am doing the things I would normally not take time for and thought they are meaningless. I even offered to babysit one of my grandmom's friend's 9 month old little boy. It was fun, we were alone all day and he fall in love with me in just an hour. 

Life is full of surprises. I am more and more surprised every day. My lawyer even flirted with me the other day and offered me a job - who would think that?! I'm lost again, back to the little boy… He really made me happy today, he caressed me once. It was so cute and real. We even made his mom jealous a little, isn't that something?! I am hoping that I will have my own bundles of joy soon… Who knows?! Life is full of surprises. Maybe staring at the moon brings you one… Besides the hole in the ground, I kept my sixth sense for one particular person who surprised me today (again). At first I was sick (the symptoms are not usually so obvious) and then something told me that I should check my blog. I check my blog once in a while, when I remember and when I have time or when the computer is available (almost never). I realized that I don't actually know this person and I never will, maybe 'cause I didn't have the time or didn't pay attention or didn't want to see it or because he is constantly changing. He is always one step ahead of me. For God's sakes, I didn't even know he reads my stuff and I'm still shocked that he writes in English and he made only one mistake. But he is trying to prove his point again, that's how I know him. And that guy with a goofy smile really has one and I think that I will never meet a guy with a more goofier smile than his. It's impossible. And what he doesn't know… The goofy smile was the »thing«. If it weren't for a goofy smile, it would just be a likable person you meet and forget in a day. I think I don't even know myself that well. I've changed through people. I don't go to old places and bring up the memories and feel the gross feeling of sorrow. I avoid that. I don't even ride on the street that you live 'cause if I do, I drive pass your window and if the curtains are up means you are awake, if they're down, you are asleep. That's that. That's how I know you, I know just the »curtain routine«. That's sad. And I hold up to that, I hold up to the curtain level?! Even if I don't think about you, the curtains remind me. And my brains don't get the signal: »Oh look, he's got the curtains up«. They get the signal:«He's awake at this hour on a weekend, what an idiot. Sleep!«. I drive to work and I'm half asleep and he's awake I think. My philosophy is:«Sleep as long as you can!«. And he's is: »Don't waste a day by sleeping!« See?! Here's the main difference on viewing life. 

Anyway I'm surprised every day, in a bad and sometimes in a good way and today I don't know how anymore. Something in the middle but definitely positively! I guess, life surprises us when we at least expect it...