Dates...

We are marked with dates, numbers in every step that we make. Each number has a special meaning, it takes us to s place in the past. Even though we are not paying attention to them, we are somehow reminded. Years mark us, our age becomes more and more exposed. We are forced to follow the pattern of others before us. We can't follow our age anymore but we keep on aging. The expectations are high and so close to our age but the looks resist to this pattern. We are still asked to show some ID, to prove the world we can use some privileges. They are all astonished when they look up the numbers. Than they check you out again, they check the picture and they make comments, unnecessary comments in their defense.

I see this people, they all have »it« all figured out, they are already settled. Than I look at myself. Where am I, what do I have? I have myself and that's all. They all have a special someone in their life, the one, they come to when they are sad, spend their evenings with or even fight over meaningless things. I had it all, it was a long time ago. The time was not right, again numbers. My age was not acceptable, his mind was not there yet. But is it now? No, it will never be. We stayed the same, times have changed but we haven't. We are the same people with a little more experience. Than I hardly picked up myself from the ground and I feel even deeper. I feel so deep that I don't know if I will ever fully stand on my feet again and forget all about it. There were also numbers involved, our mothers brought us into this world on a date that means something. Our astrological sign marks us forever and we can't change that. We can have certain habits but the character is routed in us for good. The dates will always remind me of it. Numbers are immortal. They pass from generation to generation and never die. They are written everywhere. We live our lives for numbers and the way they want. We celebrate holidays when the calendar tells us, we eat when the clock says we can, we wake up when the numbers turn to the number we set it to, we give the amount of money as it says on the label… The numbers have no end.

Can there be an end if there were no beginning?

We were just there and it just happened, all of a sudden. Right out of the blue, you just let yourself to me. Always smiling, self conscious and taking everything momentarily and as it is… I keep forgetting that you are one of »Them«… Scary, weird but… It seems that you are watching the happening from the distance just passing on some comments and making remarks about every fifth word I say. You have the ability to squeeze me in the corner with just one word, sometimes even the word is not needed. I have you just there, just than, but when I'm gone, everything is gone. Just like nothing ever happened or even less than that. You became just a pretty face again and I continue with my life as it was a month ago. And than you surprise me again, I'm happy but concerned. I have never met someone like you before, even »He« is not so complicated and calm. Maybe I'm just a threat and you are afraid too, maybe it's all just a game for you, maybe it never happened or maybe it has no beginning and therefore no end? Al those questions. Why? When? If? Would? Will? Why do we need them? I'm feeling strangely well for a quite long time now, it's not a happy »well« but just a strange »well« I'm experiencing for the first time. I can just say I am living. Not looking over my shoulder, not looking back, just living, not even looking forward. That's bad in a way, I must take matters in my own hands and handle life and everything what it brings… I'm not even sure if there was a beginning, can I expect an end or there never were a beginning to start with? Can we have a beginning without an end and an end with no beginning? Will we ever be on the same frequency? You've creped under my skin, I can't help it. Every time I see a boy with fuzzy hair and a smile, I feel a strange feeling in my stomach. Or even when I see a stubby one in a red shirt… Another feeling comes. Scary one. I'm afraid to face »him« again, it's easier to never come near again.

Coincidence?

When it strikes, it strikes… Those words have really torn me apart from you forever. The part in me that had you, that had us, is gone. It's placed somewhere deep and can be brought to light only in the far future… I can't see the end of this tunnel. So far it is. Even though I come to an end, we can only shake hands and laugh at our jokes, we can never go back. It was too much for my shell to keep up with, the shell has cracked and now I have to give all my strength into putting it back into its original shape. Some parts are missing and I can't find them, maybe I never will…

And I just walk the streets, I walk and I don't think. It's cold but it feels so good, so free. It's silent, nobody's following me. I even find a nickel on the floor, and look another one a few blocks away. I get lost, I wonder in the night. I sleep, just sleep and dream of all the forgotten people and all that is gone. I never dream of existent people, they are too close, I guess. My subconsciousness brings all those names, faces, voices, up. Scary.

And I stop walking, stop sleeping and I just bump into you or should I say you two… You were there all along in the crowd; I spotted you the first day I stepped into the room. A quiet, handsome boy with a roguish expression on his face and with a mysterious personality. You were always so far away from me, we never talked. You were always quiet and never knew where we were. Like your thoughts were somewhere else. At the beginning, I knew you were one of »them«. Then months passed and we met again. You were late, I was on time… I was just staring at a chair or something, then you sat in it. And then it started… It had no end. Everything happened so quickly, there was another time… And again coincidences happen; we were forced to do something together. I came in a place that I could just imagine in my head. But no, there I was, just standing in there. It was different than I imagined, so nice and cozy. And he was so… He… And then »They« appeared in front of my face… It started. I don't know what happened, because nothing did or maybe everything did. At the moment it hit me hard, it hurt. I saw »Their« face in one of his pictures. It was like a flash. This goofy expression and that look. They are completely different but in that picture, it just hit me… Is it happening again? Would a sweet boy become a monster? I just stared in this picture… He said the sentence that hit me even more. He sees it all… And then was the silence, and then was the tease again… Tomorrow I will see…

Surrounded by »Them«… again… I crashed at this party and there he was, another member of »Their« crew… Just laughing and fighting about sports. It seems that he didn't see in front of him. But I guess he did… »They« see everything, collect impressions and never comment. You just have to know »Them« to figure it out. But that's impossible to be sure for real. They always have a plan B in their pocket. I left and thought I will never see him again. Another day came and he just fel in the room. And there we were, since that moment… I'm confused… Are »They« just a coincidence or are »they« really sticking on me and I will have to deal with »Them« for the rest of my life? Maybe »They« are my destiny?

Change of Plans...

I've changed my plan… I'm gonna finish this college, graduate and find a job. Maybe then I will stay home for a while… Then I will enter the world I always wanted, I'll buy an attic apartment with windows without curtains. I'll place some shades. The walls will be white and maybe some of them can be green and all covered with a gallery of photos of the people I love in my life and the things I'm interested in. It will be cozy and roomy. I wish for a big non-squeaking bed in the middle of the room and a big wardrobe for all my clothes to fit. The kitchen must be small, but nice, the living room can be big, but cozy. I want a big screen tv and a good stereo. I want to come home to a house where all my pets will run towards the door when they hear my steps and a key in the lock. My roommates will definitely be just my pets, my dog,  a cat and rabbit and of course my turtle. I want to have my own computer and spend evenings in peace and quiet while petting my pets. I will cook pasta every day, maybe a lasagna some day. It's all I want and it's only mine…

The Wall...

And here it is: this blank paper in front of me all week long… I write a sentence or two and I stop. I have the same sentence repeating in my head. It prevented me to write again. My head is full, but my thoughts are numb. The words were just too strong the other day. Every word I write, the thought of someone else, especially him, would go through... it scares me. But he gets every line. He gets everything from the distance and stays hidden and quiet. He accompanies every move I make in silence. I feel followed everywhere I go no matter in what relationship or connection we are. He's just there. For how long? How long does it take to go away? But then the words are stronger than my perception and I just know I have to go away, far far away… I don't want anything new, don't want to remember those words, but they will stay there all my life. Every word has since today. Everything what have I built in years, everything good I did, every word that has been spoken, it's all gone. All forgotten and covered with hate and disregard. There is no more trust, even no more hope. I know in one way that all of this isn't totally true, but there is a big, strong wall between us and we can't go throw, pass it or climb it. We can just talk to a person on the other side and move one brick at one time. It takes time to cross a wall so thick and it takes courage and character. The move is not on me, it is on the person on the other side. I can't hold the whole burden on my self… I need to think of myself sometimes. I realized in all this that nobody can help you in this life, all you do, you have to do it yourself. When you stick to it, you can be proud of yourself and never feel sorry for everything you have done in your life. The greatest achievement in life is that you are proud of who you are and what have you accomplished in life. When you have this feeling, you win. You have everything. I hope someday they all will appreciate everything I've done for them, or in general. I don't want to take credit for anything, but those people will know one day, they will know it all. For me, I know everything now, but can't do anything about it. The wall is too thick, so many bricks I can't see the end of it… If I could just look into your eyes, the wall would suddenly collapse. But I can't, you don't let me. You don't let yourself. In this case, time doesn't heal the wounds. I know it, I've tried it. It doesn't change a thing. You're still there, all the time.

Me at the Party...

Siddharta- Samo Edini...

Thought of the Day...

Great love is associated with great risk. Worth it.

No Influence...

The things that bother me the most are eating me alive, those are the things I have no influence on. When you stay powerless, you can't do anything at all, you can just wait… Then it starts. You forget about boundries, about self-respect, pride, you just go towards your goal with an empty head. It's sad. The other person, the person who is doing this to you, knows exactly what he'sdoing. He is accurate, precise, cold. You have done something bad, something that bothered him or hurt his feelings but this is not the way to came back to you. He tortures you till the end of your abilities and than he takes you back like nothing ever happened. It looks silly but he hurts the most in all of this, it doesn't seem like it, but he does. He's the funniest person ever, no one will ever understand him in all ways… Maybe it's for the best. A special creature, which needs to be treated with a measure of caution. He will think a lot, everything will seem superfluous for him but than something will snap and he will realize that it's not so bad. He will be a little grouchy, but then he'll just take you and sweep you off your feet. Everything is going to be alright, I just know it will. »They« just need time and space.

Answer?

What is this silence? Is it a calm before the storm, should I prepare? Is it you running away (again)? Is it me hiding from you? Or maybe it's nothing, or maybe all of this? Will I ever know? Do I even want to, do I deserve it… It depends who we ask… All those questions, but only one answer. And will this answer be enough to know the real truth, the real reason why? No! The answer is in you, and only you know it and nobody else. You can tell me the answer, but I'll never truly know. There are so many things attached to it, so many thoughts, feelings… Maybe there is no answer, maybe there's just a change of weather? Maybe the answer is in front of me, but I don't see it? It could be silence, peace, nothing, meaningfulness, emptiness? Maybe there are several answers but I don't believe them. Perhaps you have already told me but I didn't listen or just didn't hear you. Maybe there isn't question at all?

Run away...

Lately, I've been wondering,

Who will be there to take my place;

To watch you, to guide you

Through the darkest of your days...

You'll need love

To light the shadows on your face.

I need love to carry me through

All the moments I'd kindly undo.

And maybe I'll find out

The way to make it back one day.

Well, I hope there's someone out there

Who can bring me back to you.

I know now, just quite how

My life might still go on.

If I could turn back time

I'd go wherever you will go.

Me at the Bridge in Mostar...

Me in Mostar...

So close but so far away...

And our roles have completely changed. Now you are the one who feels hurt and turns small problems into gigantic disasters. You said we don’t plan together, that was always my line. Maybe „They“ have switched places... As far as I know, my shell has crept a little bit further in my head and I can barely see. I don’t know what’s coming but the cards are on my side... I have a strong feeling that everything will be alright and we will sort things out. All we need is time and we have to want it bad. We can leave the rest to its self. Then I can leave my shell behind for a day or two until the storm comes again...

We are so close, but so far away. And each day we are further away from each other, and the harder it is to get together again. The routine starts to torture us and in the end we are even afraid to face each other and we ask our selves if we are on the right path. We are completely different people when we are together, we feel devoted and so close to each other. There isn’t a single doubt of „Us“ then. When we are apart, we develop a certain way of acting in a way to protect each other from God knows what so we can function in an every day life. It’s hard, we have so much things to do, we live completely different but in the end of the day, we’re happy to exchange experiences from the previous day. We are constantly together in a way, we think about each other everywhere we go. We can’t control it, it just happens... But despite all that, you are worried, very worried. I can sense it. It’s tearing me apart too but I can’t reach you. You are so far away... Nothing helps. I have no power against you. I can just watch and wait. You will come, I know you will. It’s killing me inside, I just want to hold you, feel you and just be close. But you keep pushing me away. I’m afraid of you in some way... You have special power over me, even when we have no contact at all. I can feel you everywhere. It’s unbearable. It never happened to me before. Is it...?

Pancakes and Me...

Nonexistent Disasters in My Head

Life. It's not so complicated, you just have to live it. Why do I always make everything so hard and complicated for myself. Why!? Is that necessary? I'm angry at myself, not just angry, furious. My constant occupation and worrying about things that don't matter or even exist. Those things represent the biggest problem for me. I push people who I love the most away, now I know why. They are scared and terrified of me. I am scattered, unorganized and silly on first sight. It scares me, because I know that I'm the most organized, precise person I know on this planet. I can accommodate very easily and accept other people's ways of behavior. But on the other hand I'm really hard to handle I think. At this point, I think that this is the disadvantage of my Astrological sign "Cancer"; my sensitivity, my constant fear. I must always know that everything is alright. But the funniest thing is that I always know the right answer but don't trust myself and always push on the other hand and want to hear it from the others. Of course I never do, they get angry and call me a psycho. I just want to say that I'm really sorry to everyone I hurt with my silly and concerned behavior that doesn't suit me at all. I could be fun, loving and everything nice if you could just comfort me in »my days«. I'm trying to be better every day, I thrive but sometimes it carries me away…

When?

I was looking through some pictures today on Facebook and I realized that everybody seems so happy. They all »share« their happiness with us. And I see these couples, they're all so happy, determined to stay together, to have kids… it's so nice. I'm so happy for them. I know it's not all like that, but I don't even have the pictures to fake it. They at least have that. With me everything always happens at one time. If there is happiness, I get confused and I feel too happy and I search for things behind that. I just simply can't believe it. I have that strange feeling that I'm constantly waiting for something. And at the end I'm waiting so long that when I get it, I'm numb. I can't talk. But He doesn't know that. I have so much things to say to Him but I simply can't. Maybe I'm afraid of His response. Will He understand, do I understand? Will He get angry? Am I on the right path in life? There are so many thing I would like to tell Him and I think He wants that too. He loves to hear my voice and maybe He's avoiding it because it''s easier that way. I know it is for me. I have that feeling that He stores me somewhere and does a million of other things instead, to keep him in track. He never stops. So I could wait forever… Everybody's got it! Even ugly people got it. I'm still stuck here…

Meaningless...

We have the same life. We wake up in the morning, we wake up thinking. Than we eat our breakfast and just go somewhere. While doing that we also think about something other. It's always the thing that is killing us inside but we're not brave enough to just simply ask for the answer, or too scared of the truth. So we sleep, eat, drive, walk, sleep, eat… continously. And then some good things happen and we forget about everything. Then we walk again and see them together and we think all sorts of other things. Will they stay together forever or not, where they met and most of all, what does he see in her that I don't have? Than you wonder why he's talking in such a meaningless tone with you, why can't She look into his eyes? He has that strange energy that is unknown for Her. And than there are the other two. He loves her, she doesn't love him, but still has him for fun and when she needs comfort. He is there, always. 

And then ther's Her, just a person who crashed from nowhere with a stack of problems. She's gone and They stay alone. They have no trouble getting along, like They've known each other for years. They like to feel close, it's that feeling She's been missing for a long time. It's nice. Than he calls, She goes and sees him after a long time. She's nervous, so is he, for no reason. They just drive and come to the place She loved the most. Everything's the same. Even he's the same but She can't… 

Then They go back and She can't believe it. Back there, he cooked Her lunch. It was great, she was late again because of work and her new boyfriend. She sees he suffers, he still loves her. We go out to party and She's searching for his face everywhere. She automatically looks up somewhere and there it is. Like he's still here. Tears just start to fall all by themselves. People start to worry, only she knows what's wrong. She smiles the entire time, but the tears keep falling. He doesn't do anything. She doesn't care. She meets his ex-girlfriend, She doesn't care. It's not worth it, it was not it. She just cares about the »face« in her…

She goes home. Like nothing has changed, She doesn't feel anything. She's the same with no guilt or shame. They don't know. Nobody knows, just Her! And that's the greatest feeling ever. To do something and keep it to your self. It's just yours.

Interesting dream I say…

"They"...

You can tell by the way he walks, talks like he rules the world, you can see in his eyes that he's still my boy. I knew it all this time, but I didn't want to know it, I wanted to convince myself that I'm wrong but I guess intuition is stronger than every word.

Actually, there's two of them, always fighting for attention. But that day there was only one, the other one stayed home or maybe he was there all the time… I could feel »them« both, I never wanted just one of them. They are »it« together. I think the other one has that goofy smile… »They« can surprise you in every moment, of course surprises can be good and bad. Once »they« enjoy your company, »they« are madly into you and another day »they« don't even wan't to know you. That's what it seems on the outside. Inside I know that »they« are always with me in »their« thoughts, so there's no need to worry. It can occur that »they« will call you late that night and tell you that they love you or just simply miss you. That's the nicest thing »they« do together…

With »them« all you need is patience, a lot of it. With questions and complaints, you just push them away. »Their« feeling changes from hour to hour. Mood swings are very often so you must always be prepared. »They« will come to you when they will want to or they will give themselves time. You just need to let it. »They« always do the right thing, but not that moment, a lot later… But it's done right!

Studying for my almost last exam...

Surprises?!

I made a hole in the ground and I stuck all my thoughts, wants and beliefs in it. I don't live or plan my life on long terms anymore - I just live! I never cry, I'm never sad, cause every time I want to shed a tear, I remember my hole in the ground and put it there… And it actually works! I don't think about anything else but my daily obligations. Life became easier. I am doing the things I would normally not take time for and thought they are meaningless. I even offered to babysit one of my grandmom's friend's 9 month old little boy. It was fun, we were alone all day and he fall in love with me in just an hour. 

Life is full of surprises. I am more and more surprised every day. My lawyer even flirted with me the other day and offered me a job - who would think that?! I'm lost again, back to the little boy… He really made me happy today, he caressed me once. It was so cute and real. We even made his mom jealous a little, isn't that something?! I am hoping that I will have my own bundles of joy soon… Who knows?! Life is full of surprises. Maybe staring at the moon brings you one… Besides the hole in the ground, I kept my sixth sense for one particular person who surprised me today (again). At first I was sick (the symptoms are not usually so obvious) and then something told me that I should check my blog. I check my blog once in a while, when I remember and when I have time or when the computer is available (almost never). I realized that I don't actually know this person and I never will, maybe 'cause I didn't have the time or didn't pay attention or didn't want to see it or because he is constantly changing. He is always one step ahead of me. For God's sakes, I didn't even know he reads my stuff and I'm still shocked that he writes in English and he made only one mistake. But he is trying to prove his point again, that's how I know him. And that guy with a goofy smile really has one and I think that I will never meet a guy with a more goofier smile than his. It's impossible. And what he doesn't know… The goofy smile was the »thing«. If it weren't for a goofy smile, it would just be a likable person you meet and forget in a day. I think I don't even know myself that well. I've changed through people. I don't go to old places and bring up the memories and feel the gross feeling of sorrow. I avoid that. I don't even ride on the street that you live 'cause if I do, I drive pass your window and if the curtains are up means you are awake, if they're down, you are asleep. That's that. That's how I know you, I know just the »curtain routine«. That's sad. And I hold up to that, I hold up to the curtain level?! Even if I don't think about you, the curtains remind me. And my brains don't get the signal: »Oh look, he's got the curtains up«. They get the signal:«He's awake at this hour on a weekend, what an idiot. Sleep!«. I drive to work and I'm half asleep and he's awake I think. My philosophy is:«Sleep as long as you can!«. And he's is: »Don't waste a day by sleeping!« See?! Here's the main difference on viewing life. 

Anyway I'm surprised every day, in a bad and sometimes in a good way and today I don't know how anymore. Something in the middle but definitely positively! I guess, life surprises us when we at least expect it...

Cookie...

Fig and...

Tomatoes...

She's Not Me

Madonna Lyrics
She s Not Me Lyrics

You...

I never doubted about you, there was no question, it just »was«… And than suddenly everything changed, you were gone and it feels like you don't exist anymore. I don't allow myself to think about you because you are gone forever. Our paths never cross, even though we are just 2km away from each other. Life is strange. Everything reminds me of you, my city witnessed everything and now it's watching and moking me from every corner I go to. You were different, I don't cry over you… cause I can't. That's the main difference between the others. I haven't shed a tear. I love you.

That's All I Can Say...

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me...

Gone...

I was hesitating to write this post. Never found the right words to describe what I was trying to say, maybe even now is not the right time… I'm hesitating with my own thaughts, don't wan't to face the reality. But there it is, folowing me at all times like a shadow. He's gone. Really gone. For the first time of my life I don't wan't to feel anything, just want to forget, walk away and avoid the thaughts that I will probobly never gonna see him again, never be able to laugh at his goofy smile, won't be able to watch him while he sleeps and the worst thing for me is that I will never be able to hug him. He was my best friend, my shelter, he was mine and now everything is gone and I'm just placed back to the start just with a lot of memories. I hope we will be able to talk about it some day, to laugh at the reasons why we broke up… The reasons are meaningless, they don't make sense. I can't believe that it could end so quickly and so… for no reason really. We really had something, some conection, but we were slovly loosing this connection day by day by not talking to each other so often, by having a stressed life… And again this didn't really turno ut like I wanted too, nothing does. For him, I could say, he was realy »mine«. I will miss him very much, he was an important person in my life.

A Shell and a Hippopotamus...

Some people realize that They love someone when it's to late, when the loved person is already gone… And some know it all along, every day. And when the person is gone, they
just get this strange feeling of emptiness, they simply want the person back…

I think people just disapear, they are there, we can see them, but they have changed. There is nothing about them anymore to make them »they« before our eyes. Just an empty shell. We put all of our energy in finding that person again but we are just getting further and further away from it. We start to feel hate from the persons side, we can't prove it but everytime we see Them, it's chilly. It's cold, it's not that what it was… Than we hide in our shell and wait for better days. In the meantime they tell us that they don't like our astrological sign, because we are out and when something goes wrong we are safely in again. Well it's nice to have the place to hide... And They have the skin of a hippo, which gets thiner every day, layer by layer or the other way around. You never know it… and never will…

Not just thinking of your self all the time gets you in trouble either, constant planing for everyone to be pleased, trying to please everyone, doesn't get you far either. They will find a person who is fun, not so close, just a coleque, who will agree on everything, using you because he is alone and doesn't have anyone else and who will ruin the »Thing« you have with your »Person« just that he will not look bad and alone. But They don't see that because They are social beings. And We are not so social, we have repressed feelings because We don't want to be sorounded with people all the time…

The worst thing is because they don't express clearly what They want, what's wrong… They just put Us on hold and live their life. The thing is that nothing or everything is wrong by Them. Constant trying to please Them and constant feeling that we will make something wrong is just not enough for Them. But They on the other hand can do whatever they want, expecting We to aprove it and just nod.

Patience solves it all, with some that means a lot of nerves, no ability to eat, sleep or do anything and with some that means leaving your life like before just with less phone calls from They, more fun, just Them, not thinking about it, working as a machine, no feelings, They can sleep in any condition, eat as well, even easier. For Them the »Thing« doesn't change everything.

Easter...

Letting Go...

There are moments when I just wanna let go of everything, even on people I love. I just want them gone. But not because there's a problem with them, it's with me. If I don't feel »Me« than nobody else will feel me like »Me« either, so I back off and hide in my closet till the storm is over.

Being alone is the hardest thing at the beginning, but when a month passes you get used to it: just you and your thoughts. It's easier. But I choose the hardest path of them all to deal with my problems, disagreements, misunderstandings etc every day and then keep thinking “Why” for several days in a row. It solves itself in a day or so, but then something new comes.

It's getting used to being alone that's the hardest; laying in bed alone, eating alone, being happy and sad alone. And even when I get a small fraction of time to be together with someone I stay quiet – numb. The hardest, ugliest, grossest feeling is knowing that someone was in your bed yesterday at the exact same time near you, prepared to share his dreams with you and now it's empty. I have to close my eyes all alone and it terrifies me, and when I wake up in the morning I still have that feeling that I'm going to squeeze next to his warm body and sleep like that until I wake up again. It's a safe feeling; the nicest one in the world – to wake up in the morning next to somebody you love.

One Mistake Ends It All...

Does it sometimes happen to you that you feel a little down for no particular reason?! I do ... Why does it have to be like that?! Then it happens ... I was a good little girl all my life and I always knew what I was doing and why, always obeyed the rules and was afraid to look on the other side, stayed on the safe side of the road...

Did all my chores, studied hard to pass in school and than I just went to the bar, left my boyfriend somewhere without him knowing where I was, with his best friend and got deadly drunk. Got so drunk I hardly remember anything. It happened so fast ... How could that be?! I believe there was a reason behind it all. I wanted to get away from my usual routine just for a second and that is all what is needed with me: just one single moment and I am gone to the dark side. Maybe it was trust; I knew nothing could happen to me, he will always find me and carry me home safely. He would leave later, but I would be safe and sound. He could be mad at me, smash everything around me, but I would still feel safe, because he was there to catch me when I fall.

I still do not know how that happened, although I have a clue. I wanted to let go of everything for that moment and not think about the consequences. There were some repressed emotions accumulating for a long time and maybe they just “popped out”. Not a pleasant feeling, never want to do it again and I feel very sorry. Unfortunately, everybody else will read this but the person to whom this is dedicated.

The Sims 2

Eggs...

Boxer Puppy...

In the frying Pan...

Paprika...

Raw Chicken Meat and sliced Paprika...

Raw Potatoes...

Mashed potatoes...

Vegetables...

Skiing...

My crazynes...

My Piercing...

My brother Jan...

Inside of it...

... there is a Spider.

Pasta with Schrimps...

Litchi...

Shrimps...