Friday, December 26, 2008


We are marked with dates, numbers in every step that we make. Each number has a special meaning, it takes us to s place in the past. Even though we are not paying attention to them, we are somehow reminded. Years mark us, our age becomes more and more exposed. We are forced to follow the pattern of others before us. We can't follow our age anymore but we keep on aging. The expectations are high and so close to our age but the looks resist to this pattern. We are still asked to show some ID, to prove the world we can use some privileges. They are all astonished when they look up the numbers. Than they check you out again, they check the picture and they make comments, unnecessary comments in their defense.

I see this people, they all have »it« all figured out, they are already settled. Than I look at myself. Where am I, what do I have? I have myself and that's all. They all have a special someone in their life, the one, they come to when they are sad, spend their evenings with or even fight over meaningless things. I had it all, it was a long time ago. The time was not right, again numbers. My age was not acceptable, his mind was not there yet. But is it now? No, it will never be. We stayed the same, times have changed but we haven't. We are the same people with a little more experience. Than I hardly picked up myself from the ground and I feel even deeper. I feel so deep that I don't know if I will ever fully stand on my feet again and forget all about it. There were also numbers involved, our mothers brought us into this world on a date that means something. Our astrological sign marks us forever and we can't change that. We can have certain habits but the character is routed in us for good. The dates will always remind me of it. Numbers are immortal. They pass from generation to generation and never die. They are written everywhere. We live our lives for numbers and the way they want. We celebrate holidays when the calendar tells us, we eat when the clock says we can, we wake up when the numbers turn to the number we set it to, we give the amount of money as it says on the label… The numbers have no end.

No comments: