Nonexistent Disasters in My Head

Life. It's not so complicated, you just have to live it. Why do I always make everything so hard and complicated for myself. Why!? Is that necessary? I'm angry at myself, not just angry, furious. My constant occupation and worrying about things that don't matter or even exist. Those things represent the biggest problem for me. I push people who I love the most away, now I know why. They are scared and terrified of me. I am scattered, unorganized and silly on first sight. It scares me, because I know that I'm the most organized, precise person I know on this planet. I can accommodate very easily and accept other people's ways of behavior. But on the other hand I'm really hard to handle I think. At this point, I think that this is the disadvantage of my Astrological sign "Cancer"; my sensitivity, my constant fear. I must always know that everything is alright. But the funniest thing is that I always know the right answer but don't trust myself and always push on the other hand and want to hear it from the others. Of course I never do, they get angry and call me a psycho. I just want to say that I'm really sorry to everyone I hurt with my silly and concerned behavior that doesn't suit me at all. I could be fun, loving and everything nice if you could just comfort me in »my days«. I'm trying to be better every day, I thrive but sometimes it carries me away…