Wednesday, October 8, 2008


I was looking through some pictures today on Facebook and I realized that everybody seems so happy. They all »share« their happiness with us. And I see these couples, they're all so happy, determined to stay together, to have kids… it's so nice. I'm so happy for them. I know it's not all like that, but I don't even have the pictures to fake it. They at least have that. With me everything always happens at one time. If there is happiness, I get confused and I feel too happy and I search for things behind that. I just simply can't believe it. I have that strange feeling that I'm constantly waiting for something. And at the end I'm waiting so long that when I get it, I'm numb. I can't talk. But He doesn't know that. I have so much things to say to Him but I simply can't. Maybe I'm afraid of His response. Will He understand, do I understand? Will He get angry? Am I on the right path in life? There are so many thing I would like to tell Him and I think He wants that too. He loves to hear my voice and maybe He's avoiding it because it''s easier that way. I know it is for me. I have that feeling that He stores me somewhere and does a million of other things instead, to keep him in track. He never stops. So I could wait forever… Everybody's got it! Even ugly people got it. I'm still stuck here…

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