All about Me...

I wake up in the morning and I don't feel strange because I can't feel anything warm against me. Just a warm feeling of a new day, a new day with just me. Would I have a cup of coffee first or would I maybe have a piece of cake? I would drink my coffee, read some important sites at the back of the paper… Than I would be late for College again. After class, I would go to city to have coffee with my friends and chat a little… That's all fine but why do I get this strange chilly feeling when I drive by some street, the street you live? Why does it hurt so much even though it's all »passe« and I don't think about it anymore. I've moved on, I'm happy with my life, myself… I wonder »what is he doing right now and what i he thinking about?«I have this feeling, that tells me I can love again, even stronger. Than I drive at the highway and I follow the road that takes me home, I'm just a slight turn away from… from a never ending story. I could just turn my wheel a little bit to the right and follow those blue signs. I would have fun for two or three hours, than I would go home like nothing happened, without any bad feelings… Just feeling strange, but not wondering because I already know where will it take me. I'm not feeling this feeling of appurtenance but just wanting someone I've loved for some long close. We will love each other for the rest of our life, the same goes for you. But I am not able to be with any of you in the spiritual way, just not possible and not wanted.. I can be with both of you fiscally, but that's all. I think you both know it… It wouldn't be the same as it was when we were together, but I would just feel close to someone, someone who doesn't love me or he never did… maybe still loves me and will love me for a long time… I don't want to find out. One of you hurt me with »nothing« and the other one hurt me really bad with his words and acts of malice. I will never forget the things you said to me, some nice, but a lot of them really mean. Not saying that it was all bad, it wasn't. We had a lot of nice memories, but those final words sealed up my trust and love to you. Now I'm on a never ending path of saying »NO«, driving home alone and being just me… But with a slight problems of missing some parts of you, your goofy smiles and funny clothes, your kinky looks and funny talk, and for the end...