Nothing but everything...

When you came in to my life, I was not sure. I wanted my daily routine and I shot you away very badly. But after a few days, I realised it could be kind of nice. Though it was too late, the damage was done. Silently, you changed completely before my eyes. It's cold… so cold. Every time I look at you, I feel empty, your face has no expression. You shut me off with every single part of you. I don't feel pain. I don't feel sad. I don't feel anything. I can't cry, I stay numb and just go, go far away from you. You are so close, yet so far away. I can smell you, but it's not real, it's not you. And then the next day you sweep me off my feet with just one »right« look, one word and one smile. You are very clever, you know exactly what you are doing and you know how much it takes to get my attention, and when. And then she comes, she just needs a shoulder to cry on. You need an audience. Then I step aside and go. And than messaging, why? It's simple; I can go away in one second. Just don't do one thing and think another. And again, when everything happened… I realize »they« are here again, and again and… When will it be over? Why only »them«? And I always make the same »mistakes«, they respond differently every time. Nobody understands, not even me. And then when we forget all this for a short moment, it's unbelievable… You are mine, just mine. You are happy, I am happy. But just until… until you change again. Then it all goes to nothing, everything we had. Never existed. We are not even friends, just two people in the same room. I must step back, go away… But I can't, I live for just a few good moments.