Tuesday...

Over a year ago I would never think that if you wish for something so badly, can actually happen in any circumstances… There was one Sunday morning. I just stared at it. Just stared… And then it was the hardest part, to face the truth. There was one sad and rainy Tuesday. Everyone there had their own reason. Mine was the stupidest one. Life is not fair. It ended pretty quickly but I struggled until the end… I will never forgive this to myself, neither would you. I will keep you in my memory forever. You were mine for such a short time. I hope he can forgive me also, I think he can’t… it will always haunt us, all our lives… But life goes on for all the other people, nothing changed in the world. Nobody knows what pain I am facing, feeling of guilt, maybe bad judgments, listening to others… I think either way, I would decide, would be wrong. And here I am with my old life, passing exams which don’t show an end… He is facing it his way, no one knows how. Better not. And you, where are you?! Will there be another you, just you would have been? You are lost forever… This marks a person but this mark also make a person stronger and forces a person to come true his beliefs and accomplish all goals… just to run away from it, to prove on other life areas… 

A lot has changed since I have came back. I realized that I am enough and I am perfect the way I am. I don’t need anyone, what use are false friends? People notice that very quickly and they become to wonder how I can make it. I am happy to be with myself and by myself in our apartment. It is peaceful, calm… Only me and my happiness. I have tried to become invisible in different situations so I can avoid being noticed. These defense mechanisms may serve me for a while until I gather all the energy and heal myself, to be able to come out of my shell again. This time can take a while. After it, I will run away again and delay with reality for a little while longer.