"That"

Long time ago I knew. It was perfect. Lost at the end. I tried several options, maybe even better ones but at the end it was never even close to »that«. Almost a decade passed and I saw »that« somewhere... Before I realised, was there. Again I knew! Such a weird but marvelous gift. After some time, things are starting to appear, to show... Will I be able to handle it this time or will my »crabynes« and fast movement ruin it all? I am terrified of me on one side and scared of his reactions and feelings at the other hand. When I am alone, I am so powerful, can walk by life without a scratch. When it comes to »that«, I am extra careful and on the other hand so messy that I just fly. Everything happens with a reason. This also did. This time time will not show, no need for that. We will show. We are afraid of »the next step« but what actually is the next step? It's an illusion. The only step that matters is to feel food next to each other, no matter the situation. Learned that from all the journeys in my past life. He is worried about my steps in career, that bothers him a lot. I am sure that if I want something, I will get it! We are so compatible but he still frightens me. Why is that so?! His harsh comments, remarks, looks... Also sometimes I just feel it, feel the tension and then I just hide in my shell. He notices that and then I become numb. We are both so complex, weird and strange, that makes us unique and special. Love it that he absorbs everything, never forgets my wishes, makes my wishes his,...